Today I was on my bus, listening to my jams, when someone entered the bus. This man looked exactly like Christian Bale from Terminator: Salvation, but with longer hair. Now, I would have lost all interest in him, and go back to staring at the ground till I got to my stop, but he whipped something out of his backpack. It looked like a sketchbook, black leather cover, crisp white pages, the works. This piqued my interest in Christian Bale Guy once more. I wanted to know what he drew. He started flipping through the pages rapidly, blurring the images together, making it impossible for me to see what he had in there. Finally, about half-way through the book, he stopped.
What I saw took my breath away. Page after page of sketches of mustaches. He must have had 30-40 mustaches on the 5 pages I saw alone, who knows how many he had in the entire book. He had all types of mustaches, Fuzzy Cowboy whiskers, thin French 'staches, even curly ne'er-do-well mustaches. "What is this" I thought to myself, "some type of mustache field guide?" Did he just sit in some park in Portland sketching all the mustaches he sees? Does he have some type of mustache fetish? Who knows.
Not only did he have sketches of mustaches, but he had sketches of something called "Mustache Vodka". From the looks of it, its just a basic vodka bottle, but with a mustache on it. He even sketched ads for his little brand, men in capes and top hats drinking vodka and laughing. Pure art.
As I sit here, typing this and watching Dexter, I only wish I had taken a picture of him just so I could show you. Or at least a pit of his sketches. But I'm not sly enough to do it without someone noticing. Plus, I'm just too shy. And what if I was caught? What would I have said? "Oh, I'm just taking your picture to show people online your creepy obsession with male facial hair. Sorry if I bothered you."
Is it sad that that's the highlight of my week? Seeing Christian Bale Guy and his secret sketch book of mustaches? Maybe I should get out more. Hang out with some friends, ride my bike down a mountain or something.
Fuck it, that requires leaving my house, I'll just play Mass Effect instead.
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