Movies I would never see, even if you paid me

I was recently questing around my dirty, dirty garage looking for something. I think it was something manly, like a wrench, or a gun. Anyway, I found a box of old video tapes that we put out there a couple years ago when we were cleaning out our front room collection of records and videos so we would have space for the new furniture my mom had just purchased. Well, I found some awesome things in there, like the Crash Test Dummies official movie, a fuck ton of Land Before Time movies, and something I forced myself to forget...

The most disturbing movie ever filmed. No, it's not Salò, it's even worse...

I found a recording of... Raggady Anne. The 1977 movies "Raggady Anne & Andy: A Musical Adventure". The most disturbing thing I had ever watched. I still have nightmares of the Greedy.



A disgusting ball of taffy that constantly eats, yet is never full. He sings about his plight and how depressing it is to be him, and how the only way he can feel fulfilled is by eating the heart of his true love, or some fucked up shit like that. So he tries to eat her. Raggedy Anne and Andy escape with their Camel friend. I can't properly describe how terrible feeling you get when you watch this movie. It's like a fucking acid trip, but a lot less fun.

Now can you imagine what it would be like if they made a live version of Raggady Anne & Andy but it was directed by Tim Burton? Holy mother of God, I don't even want to think about what it would do to my already fragile psyche. Not that I don;t love Tim Burton, I feel like he's an amazing director making such amazing movies like "The Nightmare Before Christmas" and "Sweeny Todd", and he's working on a remake of "Alice in Wonderland", but his style is so weird, so out there, that it would tip this movie over the edge. If you have seen the concept art for the remake, you'd know exactly what I'm talking about.

I would never see this movie again, even if I was payed to watch it. I can't even listen to any of the songs because they bring back such horrible memories. I'm not the only one who thinks this, just ask my sisters, they are just as fucked up by this as I am. Now if you will excuse me, I have to take a test about Restaurant Management or something, which I didn't study for.

Christian Bale Guy and Mustache Voka

Today I was on my bus, listening to my jams, when someone entered the bus. This man looked exactly like Christian Bale from Terminator: Salvation, but with longer hair. Now, I would have lost all interest in him, and go back to staring at the ground till I got to my stop, but he whipped something out of his backpack. It looked like a sketchbook, black leather cover, crisp white pages, the works. This piqued my interest in Christian Bale Guy once more. I wanted to know what he drew. He started flipping through the pages rapidly, blurring the images together, making it impossible for me to see what he had in there. Finally, about half-way through the book, he stopped.

What I saw took my breath away. Page after page of sketches of mustaches. He must have had 30-40 mustaches on the 5 pages I saw alone, who knows how many he had in the entire book. He had all types of mustaches, Fuzzy Cowboy whiskers, thin French 'staches, even curly ne'er-do-well mustaches. "What is this" I thought to myself, "some type of mustache field guide?" Did he just sit in some park in Portland sketching all the mustaches he sees? Does he have some type of mustache fetish? Who knows.

Not only did he have sketches of mustaches, but he had sketches of something called "Mustache Vodka". From the looks of it, its just a basic vodka bottle, but with a mustache on it. He even sketched ads for his little brand, men in capes and top hats drinking vodka and laughing. Pure art.

As I sit here, typing this and watching Dexter, I only wish I had taken a picture of him just so I could show you. Or at least a pit of his sketches. But I'm not sly enough to do it without someone noticing. Plus, I'm just too shy. And what if I was caught? What would I have said? "Oh, I'm just taking your picture to show people online your creepy obsession with male facial hair. Sorry if I bothered you."

Is it sad that that's the highlight of my week? Seeing Christian Bale Guy and his secret sketch book of mustaches? Maybe I should get out more. Hang out with some friends, ride my bike down a mountain or something.

Fuck it, that requires leaving my house, I'll just play Mass Effect instead.

To melt the heart of a Lion

So, I usually only play Mature games for Mature Gamers such as myself, but when I got wind of this remake of "A Boy and His Blob" at E3, I had to check it out. Turns out this game has a dedicated hug button, that's the cutest thing I have ever heard. I mean, who wouldn't want to hug a blob that can change shapes by eating Jelly Beans. I bet it's like hugging a pillow filled with kittens.



Here's a short video showing some of the gameplay. I would so buy this game if I had a Wii, just so I could hug the blob all day

:3