Movies I would never see, even if you paid me

I was recently questing around my dirty, dirty garage looking for something. I think it was something manly, like a wrench, or a gun. Anyway, I found a box of old video tapes that we put out there a couple years ago when we were cleaning out our front room collection of records and videos so we would have space for the new furniture my mom had just purchased. Well, I found some awesome things in there, like the Crash Test Dummies official movie, a fuck ton of Land Before Time movies, and something I forced myself to forget...

The most disturbing movie ever filmed. No, it's not Salò, it's even worse...

I found a recording of... Raggady Anne. The 1977 movies "Raggady Anne & Andy: A Musical Adventure". The most disturbing thing I had ever watched. I still have nightmares of the Greedy.



A disgusting ball of taffy that constantly eats, yet is never full. He sings about his plight and how depressing it is to be him, and how the only way he can feel fulfilled is by eating the heart of his true love, or some fucked up shit like that. So he tries to eat her. Raggedy Anne and Andy escape with their Camel friend. I can't properly describe how terrible feeling you get when you watch this movie. It's like a fucking acid trip, but a lot less fun.

Now can you imagine what it would be like if they made a live version of Raggady Anne & Andy but it was directed by Tim Burton? Holy mother of God, I don't even want to think about what it would do to my already fragile psyche. Not that I don;t love Tim Burton, I feel like he's an amazing director making such amazing movies like "The Nightmare Before Christmas" and "Sweeny Todd", and he's working on a remake of "Alice in Wonderland", but his style is so weird, so out there, that it would tip this movie over the edge. If you have seen the concept art for the remake, you'd know exactly what I'm talking about.

I would never see this movie again, even if I was payed to watch it. I can't even listen to any of the songs because they bring back such horrible memories. I'm not the only one who thinks this, just ask my sisters, they are just as fucked up by this as I am. Now if you will excuse me, I have to take a test about Restaurant Management or something, which I didn't study for.

Christian Bale Guy and Mustache Voka

Today I was on my bus, listening to my jams, when someone entered the bus. This man looked exactly like Christian Bale from Terminator: Salvation, but with longer hair. Now, I would have lost all interest in him, and go back to staring at the ground till I got to my stop, but he whipped something out of his backpack. It looked like a sketchbook, black leather cover, crisp white pages, the works. This piqued my interest in Christian Bale Guy once more. I wanted to know what he drew. He started flipping through the pages rapidly, blurring the images together, making it impossible for me to see what he had in there. Finally, about half-way through the book, he stopped.

What I saw took my breath away. Page after page of sketches of mustaches. He must have had 30-40 mustaches on the 5 pages I saw alone, who knows how many he had in the entire book. He had all types of mustaches, Fuzzy Cowboy whiskers, thin French 'staches, even curly ne'er-do-well mustaches. "What is this" I thought to myself, "some type of mustache field guide?" Did he just sit in some park in Portland sketching all the mustaches he sees? Does he have some type of mustache fetish? Who knows.

Not only did he have sketches of mustaches, but he had sketches of something called "Mustache Vodka". From the looks of it, its just a basic vodka bottle, but with a mustache on it. He even sketched ads for his little brand, men in capes and top hats drinking vodka and laughing. Pure art.

As I sit here, typing this and watching Dexter, I only wish I had taken a picture of him just so I could show you. Or at least a pit of his sketches. But I'm not sly enough to do it without someone noticing. Plus, I'm just too shy. And what if I was caught? What would I have said? "Oh, I'm just taking your picture to show people online your creepy obsession with male facial hair. Sorry if I bothered you."

Is it sad that that's the highlight of my week? Seeing Christian Bale Guy and his secret sketch book of mustaches? Maybe I should get out more. Hang out with some friends, ride my bike down a mountain or something.

Fuck it, that requires leaving my house, I'll just play Mass Effect instead.

To melt the heart of a Lion

So, I usually only play Mature games for Mature Gamers such as myself, but when I got wind of this remake of "A Boy and His Blob" at E3, I had to check it out. Turns out this game has a dedicated hug button, that's the cutest thing I have ever heard. I mean, who wouldn't want to hug a blob that can change shapes by eating Jelly Beans. I bet it's like hugging a pillow filled with kittens.



Here's a short video showing some of the gameplay. I would so buy this game if I had a Wii, just so I could hug the blob all day

:3

coming back for seconds

Tomorrow I will start working on my next video, so stay tuned. I'm planning on talking about one of the greatest, if not the best (sorry Johnny Tsunami) Disney movies to ever be released, and that is the one, the only, Brink!



Starring Erik Von Detten as Andy "Brink" Brinker (what a shitty name), who is the leader of the rough and tumble gang of skaters who call themselves the "Sould-Skaters" since they skate for fun, and not money. Basically, this is a movie about how awesome these kids are at roller-blading, and that sponsors mean jack shit if you don't have any heart, or you're a complete dick.

So stay tuned, cause shit's about to get serious.

And remember, it takes a champ to stay in line

Get it? Thats a Skating referance! Oh Disney channel, you slay me!

Pokémon: a look back on greatness (Pt. 1...?)

Well, I completed my first video, congratulations me. Its a short look on Pokemon, and it's really a way for me to test the waters and see if I actually want to make more videos. If people like it, I'll make more, if they don't, well, I guess it wasn't meant to be.

well, poo-tee-weet, it was fun to make so I guess that's all that matters. Now, I do realize now that I rendered it all and did everything that I forgot to mention the Poke-rap, so if people want, I'll do a short video all about that, and how it's god damn impossible to memorize.

So, without further adieu, I present Pokemon : A Look Back on Greatness



Also, you might find ad's after the video is done. This brings some small amount of profit to me, so yeah. This is the closest thing to a job I currently have.

Holy shit, a video?

Yes, I am making my first vlog about the 90's, it's all about Pokemon. Since it's my first vlog, I decided to make it short, so the full video will only be about 15 minutes, and I promise, it will be full of incoherent babbling and pointless cuts.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TabtLlvyMZQ

Why am I doing this you may ask? Because I can. The internet is already a shitty place, so what harm can a couple of bad videos do? Its like pissing in a sea of piss, no one will notice.

so yea, this is only a preview, hopefully I will have the full thing up by tomorrow, but who knows?

I'm lazy

This is harder than it looks

I thought that I could talk for hours about Pokémon, but damn, it's alot harder than I thought it would be. So far I only have about 1:30 minutes recorded and mashed up, but that's only cause I have the full Pokémon intro with some commentary, and my own intro.

Maybe I should write a script or something, just to help get the ball rolling in my mind.

Or at least some fucking key points.

Jesus Christ

I never thought I'd be the type of person to make a blog. I always hated the idea of blogging, I never really understood it. Just people sitting down and telling anonymous readers about the funny thing their cat did today, or how big of an asshole their boss is, or how the feminists are trying to destroy everything that is manly. But one day I awoke, and I decided that I should start a blog about my life in the 90's, and how it made me the socially inept person I am today.

My life revolved around things like Pokémon, MTG, cartoons, and trying not to get caught in the CROSSFIRE (which I eventually did). Waking up every morning before school and watching Pokémon and Transformers, trying my hardest to learn the Poké-rap, but never quite being able to remember all 150 in the correct order. I'd often try to sing along, but the fast paced beat of the song coupled with a mouthfull of Fruit Loops made this quite a difficult task. I actually continued this all the way through High School, that is, even when they changed the program schedule from my beloved Pokémon to... sigh... Dual Masters and Code Lyoko. But Pokémon alway came back, and I always watched it.

I started evolving into the person I am today sometime in middle school. I was one of the anime kids, you know the ones, we had pictures of Gaara and Ryoko taped in our lockers. We wanted to become ninjas, and travel to Japan. We were, in short, weaboos. We stuck together like legos, and often ate lunch alone, outside on the bleachers, where we could talk of our obsessions in peace. Eventually I met Edgar Mendez, a transfer student or something, I don't actually remember. But we became quick friends. He showed me things like D&D and Magic the Gathering, obsessions I still blame him for to this day. He also forced me to go to a special High School with him, but thats another story.

I often wonder how my life would have been different if I was, lets say, born in the 80's like my sisters. Would I have hated all that I love today? Would I answer the door when people knock on it? Would I have a girlfriend and a drivers license? Would I have moved out of my parents basement? Maybe, but thats getting into the whole Nature vs. Nuture argument that I don't really want to dive into at this moment.

Hopefully I will get a good Camera or something so I can record some things about the 90's, since thats really what I want to do for this blog. I feel like I could express myself easier with movies than typing. I already go on rants about how great the 90's were, just ask my friends.I don't really know how to end this post, since I'm losing focus and I don;t want to read what all I've typed

Damn ADHD